Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
