from now on my penis is your penis
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just threw up on my dentist
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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