Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
