I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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