apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
