I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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