come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
