Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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