Dual....:-)
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
