if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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