if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When did angry sex become our thing?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
