No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
