Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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