he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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