the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
