You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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