I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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