new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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