i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
