Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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