There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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