every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
