hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
