She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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