You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
