Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
