it hurts more in the daytime
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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