Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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