please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
