Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
the liver wants what the liver wants
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
