Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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