you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
