I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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