Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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