One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
