i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
