He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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