Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
