There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
