i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
