this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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