captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
