i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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