where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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