yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
