how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
where are my eyebrows?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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