Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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