U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
