The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
