the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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