the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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