Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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