Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
