i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
