Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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