mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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