words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
