Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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