That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
